Mother's Day.

Emotionally, today was better than expected.

The meltdown I had was because I'm sick and had to go to urgent care.  The 2 insurance covered urgent cares are where the babies were born.  So, I stayed in town.  I paid out of pocket.  I couldn't fathom to even drive an hour and to sit in the buildings where my life changed.  Twice.

And because last night I stubbed my toe.  And because I have a blister on my finger from mowing the lawns before Tim came home from his class.

I'm hoping I feel better in a few days once the antibiotics kick in so I can continue taking care of myself again.

And I know I've blogged about this before, but I just need to get it off my chest. I'm almost certain there are emotional aspects behind me relaxing a bit with the exercise.  The fact that we are most likely not going to get pregnant again is a huge one.   And I know that I'm a good enough reason to keep it going.  I know that my future and our kids are good enough reasons to keep it going.

But there's still something holding me back.  I don't know what it is.  And I don't know how to get there.  Can anyone help me with this?