I've had a difficult time deciding what to write for Matthew's upcoming birthday. Whether I wanted to share the raw emotions here, or just on my private loss blog. And I suppose it's okay that I haven't made a decision seeing as how I'm not even sure what I'm feeling.
There's obviously pain. Remembering where I was this time last year and how hopeful I was. I was receiving so much support from family, friends, and complete strangers. We received so many calls, emails, pictures, and game faces. It had to be different this time.
We obviously know it wasn't.
And while it is so incredibly easy to sit and focus on that, I'm trying so hard not to. I've had a few bad days which were made worse by this never ending cold and not being able to work out. I've been dizzy, snotty, and stuffy for the last week. Walking around campus makes me winded. Working out obviously hasn't been done. And now it's moved into my chest. I'm hoping this means it's on its way out.
So. Here I am almost a year after my heart was broken again. I never thought I'd lose 2 babies and live. And not only live, but have this hope that I have today and rebuilding my heart and body for the future.
Sending hugs, friend, and grieving the loss of Matthew's life with you on this upcoming anniversary.
ReplyDeleteI was watching Dateline with Jeff the other night and there was this incredible story about a little boy that visited heaven. You may have already heard about this, but if you haven't I wanted to pass the link along to his story. There's one part of it that I think you will find especially encouraging.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3xItrGOi6Q
The link you shared was a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing Jeff and Nicole.
ReplyDeleteThat was perfect. Thank you, Nicole <3
ReplyDelete((()))
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