Oh. My. Goodness.

First and foremost.  We are now certified foster parents!!  We can officially start taking respite (short term kinda like baby sitting) or foster only placements.  It can take a few more months to get licensed to adopt through the county.  We could, possibly, get a call any moment.  ::deep breaths::

We have been working nonstop to get the house together that my exercising has dwindled.  I've been up at 5:30am for work, home by 3:30pm and working until about 10pm.  So.  Exhausted.  I've tried to keep up with my diet which as helped me keep the lbs from not going up.

I'm recommitting to myself, to the half marathon, and to the future.  Bring it.

Shin splints.

I have them.

They suck.

That's all.

I'm Inspired.

My dear friend (and will be guest blogger), S, is saying adios to sweets for 21 days.  As incredibly awesome as that is... I know I can't do that.  What I can do is keep dark chocolate (which will be limited to 1oz a day) and nix the rest of the crap. 

Who wants to join us?  It doesn't have to be sweets, it can be anything that you want to change. 

Anyone else want to respond to the biggest loser challenge?  We'll work out the details soon, I promise!

No More Excuses

I am 100% fed up with myself.  Today, I weighed in 5 lbs higher than last week.

5 lbs is not okay.  No matter what 5lbs is not okay.

I know I keep saying "today it's going to be different", but then I just come home and sit on my butt and don't exercise.  Or I go grab a piece of chocolate after lunch.  Or I eat a slice of pizza with my salad for dinner.

My someday guest blogger and I are going to start a biggest loser thing.  We're not sure how exactly we're going to do it, or who all can/will be involved but we will.   If anyone wants to join us, just leave a comment with your email (don't worry it won't be published, just complied) and I'll update you once we have it all figured out.

I'm. A. Slacker.

Remember when I wrote about my motivation and how I found it?  It was fantastic.  I was exercising daily, watching my diet, and felt amazing.  Then I got sick.  For a week and a half I was going through the motions of my daily routine... minus the exercising.  I was too dizzy, exhausted, and couldn't breathe.

And then there was Monday.  Matthew's birthday made incredibly special by getting the call saying that my best friend was being admitted to labor and delivery.  I was incredibly honored to be there and help her through labor.  Her sweet baby boy was born on Tuesday morning.  They are both healthy and doing wonderfully.

So exercise wise I haven't done much at all in the last 2 weeks.  I know I'll get it back, I have to... the 1/2 marathon isn't that far off. 

My friend (and someday guest blogger) S and her husband J are coming out to visit in the middle of November.  I'd like to lose at least 15 lbs by then.  I know I need to stop slacking, stick with my diet and exercise, and I'll get there.

That's what has been going on with me.  You all know that I'm pretty open with things, what are some topics you'd like me to talk/write about here? 

Almost One Year

I've had a difficult time deciding what to write for Matthew's upcoming birthday.  Whether I wanted to share the raw emotions here, or just on my private loss blog.  And I suppose it's okay that I haven't made a decision seeing as how I'm not even sure what I'm feeling.

There's obviously pain.  Remembering where I was this time last year and how hopeful I was.  I was receiving so much support from family, friends, and complete strangers.  We received so many calls, emails, pictures, and game faces.  It had to be different this time. 

We obviously know it wasn't.

And while it is so incredibly easy to sit and focus on that, I'm trying so hard not to.  I've had a few bad days which were made worse by this never ending cold and not being able to work out.  I've been dizzy, snotty, and stuffy for the last week.  Walking around campus makes me winded.  Working out obviously hasn't been done.  And now it's moved into my chest.  I'm hoping this means it's on its way out.

So.  Here I am almost a year after my heart was broken again.  I never thought I'd lose 2 babies and live.  And not only live, but have this hope that I have today and rebuilding my heart and body for the future.

60 Days

In 60 days my wonderful friend, S (the soon to be guest blogger) and her husband will be landing in CA.

In those 60 days, I would like to fully complete the 30 day shred and be able to run 5 miles without stopping.  I think with that and eating well, the weight should just melt off.  At least, I hope it does.

Last week was incredibly busy and difficult.  I got out to run once and it was so hot and humid it was awful.  I wasn't even happy I went when it was over.  The weather shouldn't break 100 this week so I should be will be running more often.  I also have my physical and I'm interested to see how much my cholesterol has dropped, assuming it has dropped.   I'll keep you all posted.

As for now, I'm going to take a bath and hope my migraine leaves.  I don't have time to have one.  Peace out, folks. 

Sometimes, it's just plain difficult.

I talk the talk, but don't necessarily walk the walk.  I know a lot of it has to do with being so incredibly busy at work, the birthdays are within a month (and 11 days) of each other.  In the next few days I have 2 doctors appointments (for fost/adopt), a baby shower I'm throwing (which I'm SO excited for), an adoption class, and 2 staff meetings.  Oh, and work.  And being a wife.

I just think it's so much.  And to exercise on top of that just seems like too much.  I know that an hour here or there will make me feel better, but after an incredibly long day, I'd much rather spend that time on the couch.

Help me. 

Help me get moving again.  Help me stay moving.

Help me.

I'm having a hard time starting...

Work has been insane.  Only a week and a half in and I'm losing my ever-loving mind.  It doesn't help that the temps have been over 100 every single day so I haven't been out to run.  I haven't been exercising as much as I should because I am so tired.  And when I mean so tired I mean, I get home, do some things around the house, make dinner, shower and sleep.  Last week, Tim had to put me to bed.  It was only 8:30pm.

This weekend I went to WA to surprise my friend for her birthday.  Well, her husband had me surprise her.  It was awesome.  We laughed so hard we cried, we ate some yummy food, drank some yummy drinks, and celebrated.  We celebrated being healthy.  We celebrated the birth of my friend.  We celebrated life. 

So since I'm all trying to be motivated and should be training for a 1/2 marathon in now less than 4 months, I will start tonight.  Strength and stretching.  It may feel really good being as I'm SO tired.  Then tomorrow- 2 mile run.  We have back to school night tomorrow so I'm debating waking up and going at 5am.  That's nuts.  We know I won't.  I'll do it when I get home around 7.  It shouldn't be nearly as hot.

I hope you all have a great week.  And I leave you with this picture.  You, too, can start today. 

Recommitting and Ramblings.

In the last month I fell off of the diet/exercise bandwagon and was dragged behind it.  Any resemblance of the normalcy I created is gone.  I didn't have a schedule and did whatever I wanted to do.  Which is obviously not good for me.

The school year started on Wednesday and kids start back Monday.  Which seems like the perfect time to catch up to this bandwagon again.  I don't think I can be as strict with my diet as I was before but I know I cannot be as lenient as I have been lately.

I look at my body and I don't think the 4lbs that crept back on is too noticeable, but I notice it.  I see it in the way I carry myself.  I feel my stomach protruding and my neck feels fat.  I know a lot of people trying to lose weight feel this way so I'm just going to lay it out here:  I am so pissed at myself for stopping even though I know I needed the break to refocus and adjust.

All of that being said:
Tomorrow I'm starting this 15k training program.  I'm totally okay if it takes me longer than 10 weeks seeing as how the measly 2 miles seems daunting.
Tomorrow I will make a meal plan for the week and go stock up on the healthy foods so I can be prepared for the stressful week ahead.

AND- exciting news... my friend S is going to be a guest blogger!  We are going to get through this together, just like we've gotten through so much together already.  We will work out our reward for when we meet whatever goals we set.

My goal?  I'm thinking the final 25-30 pounds by the end of the year.  Part of me thinks that 30lbs is incredibly unrealistic.  Another part of me thinks knows that if I follow my diet and stick with the training, I should be able to hit it.

So there we are.

My Current FB Status Says it All...

Things I learned this morning:  #1: I'm not ready to run in shorts yet... no one wants to see that.  #2: Running in the morning without eating is a bad idea.  #3:  I need to run more.


Yep. 

::sigh::

Whoa. Sorry, folks!

An entire month (and 4 days) without posting?  I suppose the last month just got away from me.  I apologize.

I haven't been as strict with my diet or exercise as I know I should be.  Which is why I'm turning back to the blog and South Beach phase 1 to help me.  I've also decided to work toward the half marathon that I'm going to train for a 15k.  I found a training program that I will do to help me focus.

Everything else is going really well.  Tim and I were approved to start taking fost/adoption classes!  Our first one is this Thursday!  We should be certified and ready to start taking placements by the end of October.  Holy smokes. 

I also acted as a doula for one of my best friends.  That was, by far, one of the most amazing things I've ever been a part of.  It was a long, insanely emotional and beautiful experience.  I can't begin to even put into words how wonderful it was.  And to see her as a mother?  One of the most heart warming things ever. 

So that's where I'm at now.  I'll update more as to how the training is going once I start at it again. 

My First 5K!

Well my 3rd, but my first actually "training" and in 3 years.  All in all, it went really well!  My friend and I have been training (somewhat) over the past month or so.  The longest we've jogged was about 1 1/2 miles without stopping.  Today?  She went the entire way!  I had to stop a few times mainly because my foot went numb.  (Side note:  my shoes weren't too tight, I had a slight cramp, but what can I do to make this stop?  Keep running?  Stretch more?  Get the funky toe shoe things?  HELP!)  But the results?  I'm pretty happy.

I finished in 36 mins 26 seconds with a pace time of 11:44.  I think our times would have been better if it wasn't so congested at some points of the race.  BUT.  I'm still really happy.

Remember my friend Emily, she did the 15K and finished in 1:40:32.  Isn't that awesome?  I'm so proud of her!

So now, I have an appt tomorrow with Dr. W.  I'm kind of thinking I won't see her as often anymore.  I don't think the vitamin shots are helping my diet and I think with running I'll be able to do it all on my own. 


Not running related- thank you all for the support on my last post.  Tim and I are very excited for this next step in our life.

Moving Forward.

I've sort of hesitated posting this because it's not about weight loss or my diet.  It's about moving forward in a different way.  And part of this process, like many others, is being open and honest not only with myself and my husband, but with our family and friends.

After much discussion and a little tear shedding (for the good), Tim and I are moving forward with foster/adoption.

When Katie died, we talked about having one more and adopting one.  After Matthew was born the thought of having another one was (and still is) incredibly frightening.  We also thought it would be selfish for us to potentially lose another baby when there are so many children out there who need stable, loving families. 

The bottom line is that we want to be parents.  We want to be exhausted from chasing our kids around all day.  We want to be woken up in the middle of the night because one of our kids had a bad dream.  We want to support, mold and just love some of the children who need it most.

The next few months will be filled with interviews, classes and inspections.  It's all very exciting and overwhelming and a tad emotional.

So there you have it.

Oh also- first 5k is on Monday.  I'm guessing since I haven't been running a lot lately (long stories) that it'll be longer than wanted.  But at least I have a friend to run with me!  I'll let you know how that goes.

k's, 1/2's and What in the World am I Doing?

The short version:

• I'm running a 5k in July.
• I'm running a 1/2 marathon in January.

The medium version:


A friend talked me into doing a 5k July 4th weekend.  My sister-in-law then emailed me about doing a 1/2 marathon with her in January.  And we, not so slyly, talked my mom into doing it, too!

The emotional stuff:

I've never been a runner.  Weighing what I weigh and being the size that I am, I have this HUGE mental block about running.  I don't didn't think I could do it, so I just didn't do it.  Well newsflash- I can do it.  Step by step (ohhh baby), I will do it. 

So runners- what advice do you have for me?  I need all of the help I can get!

Welcome Back, Me!

Last time I saw Dr. W we decided I'd try it on my own and see how it goes.   Here we are 2 months later and I've gained 3 pounds, had an anovulatory cycle (not unusual with pcos) and was so unmotivated and just lost.

I figured out that I need to keep seeing her.  I need to have her hold me accountable.  I need to weigh-in, tweak my diet and exercise and just talk with someone else.

I'm going to continue my 1,400 calorie a day diet based on the modified South Beach diet (I can add back in fruit and whole wheat bread/flour on occasion), interval training/exercising 4-5 times per week, the vitamin B shots along with a slew of other supplements and vitamins- including one specifically for pcos.

My next follow up appointment is July 5th.  I'd really like to lose about 10lbs between now and then.  If I can't, I'll be more than okay with whatever weight I've lost.

I'll update more often with new recipes, exercises and weight loss.

Thank you readers, for all of your support.  You all are so awesome.

Who has 2 thumbs and is the world's worst blogger?

That would be me.

I'm sorry guys.  There is no excuse for being the worst blogger.  I have been busy with all of the end of the school year crap, but I've been dealing with a lot of emotional things, too.

Mother's day was a lot harder than expected.  I was sick which threw me off of my exercise routine.  So, I haven't been working out as much as I should.  I haven't been as strict on my diet as I should be, either.  The 28 day challenge thing?  Yes, that was a big fat failure, too.

I'm trying to stay motivated and stay positive but sometimes it's just so hard.  I have some wonderful people coming to visit in July and I would love to knock their socks off with my weight loss.  But more than the weight loss, I want them to see me happy.  And honestly, I'm my happiest when I'm working out.

I have an appointment with Dr. W on Tuesday to help get me back on track.  I don't think I would be able to adhere to a diet that is so restrictive.  I mean 4 months of following the first phase of SB was hard.

I'll check in again after my appointment on Tuesday and hopefully I'll be back on track with everything.

Mother's Day.

Emotionally, today was better than expected.

The meltdown I had was because I'm sick and had to go to urgent care.  The 2 insurance covered urgent cares are where the babies were born.  So, I stayed in town.  I paid out of pocket.  I couldn't fathom to even drive an hour and to sit in the buildings where my life changed.  Twice.

And because last night I stubbed my toe.  And because I have a blister on my finger from mowing the lawns before Tim came home from his class.

I'm hoping I feel better in a few days once the antibiotics kick in so I can continue taking care of myself again.

And I know I've blogged about this before, but I just need to get it off my chest. I'm almost certain there are emotional aspects behind me relaxing a bit with the exercise.  The fact that we are most likely not going to get pregnant again is a huge one.   And I know that I'm a good enough reason to keep it going.  I know that my future and our kids are good enough reasons to keep it going.

But there's still something holding me back.  I don't know what it is.  And I don't know how to get there.  Can anyone help me with this?

Day 3.

Things have been going.  Sometimes it's going well, sometimes it's not.  But that's life, right?  I've been working really hard at picking up after myself.  As my husband (and mother) can attest, I'm not good at cleaning my messes as I go.  I'm great at making them and somewhat picking them up.

Guys.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I don't know why.  I don't make that big of messes.  I just seem to make a lot of them.  From the minute I get out of bed, I seem to make messes wherever I go.  The bathroom (contact cases and solution, hair stuff, toothbrush and toothpaste, make up), the kitchen (breakfast, coffee, snack and lunch stuff) and the clothes.

Oh my goodness, the clothes.  

Usually, it doesn't take me too long to pick out my outfit in the morning.  I've tried to do it at night, but I'm too indecisive and don't know what I'll be in the mood for in the morning.  With changing the clothes, I don't hang tops back up or fold pants.  They go in a pile.  Then about once a week, I return the clothes to where they belong.  Well, usually. 

I've struggled with picking up as I go, but I have made improvements.  I haven't focused on my diet as much (not like I've completely blown it) but will fine tune that and the exercise in the next few days.  

How are you all doing? 

Day 1

I'll start with a few confessions.  I have a tendency to follow my heart, I put others' needs before my own, I am a procrastinator and I'm constantly thinking.  I have a difficult time quieting my thoughts, motivating myself and staying organized.  I love clothes, shoes, bags, changing my hair and spending the day at the spa.  I absolutely adore my husband and want to be a better me for us and for our future.  

He deserves that.  I deserve that.  

For some reason (a reason that I haven't discovered yet) I have a difficult time putting myself first.  I know the things that make me lose weight (the diet and exercise) and make me feel better physically and mentally (exercise, keeping my house pulled together and picking up after myself).

By the end of the month, I hope to know what stops me.  To know why there's a disconnect between what I want and what I do.  I will have exercised every day and stuck to my diet.  I will do one little thing around the house that makes me feel better.  Whether it's actually putting away my hair stuff when I'm done with it, folding the piles of laundry or tackling the pile that has needed to be organized since we moved in.


In 28 days my life will be healthier, more organized and ready for the future.

Also, my mom and I started this blog.  Follow it.  Contact us if you want to contribute to it and let us know how your 28 days go. 

The 28 Day Challenge

My Mom works with a social worker who did a presentation on change.  Apparently, it takes 28 days to make a change become a routine.  (I'm sure I could get the name of the study/research/book/article where this was found if anyone wants it).  Anyway.  My Mom said that she wants to do something, change something starting May 1st and asked me if I want to do it, too.

Getting back on track with my diet and exercise seems like the obvious change for me to do.  Right?  If anyone wants to do it with us, I can set up a check in.  I'll blog about how I'm reaching the goal on a daily (or maybe weekly?) basis.  

Does anyone else want to do it with us?  What are you willing to do and stick with for 28 days to change your life?

That motivation? I think I found it.

PCOS.

I was diagnosed about 2 years ago after being off the pill for awhile.  I had nonexistent periods and gained about 10-15 pounds that I couldn't get off with diet (weight watchers) and exercise.  This month?  The ONE month I'm not super strict with my diet and exercising 5 days a week- no period.  I started tracking my bbt but then my thermometer died so I'm not 100% sure I ovulated.  I think I did, but who knows.

I did the dreaded act of peeing on a stick which promptly told me that I am not pregnant (whew).  So I'm guessing I didn't ovulate.  And thus- PCOS is rearing its ugly head and interfering with my life.  Again.  There are too many damn emotions involved with seeing the negative pregnancy test (even though we're not trying to get pregnant).  Too much guessing, too much weight, too much just blah.

I hate that I did this.  I hate that this is happening again.  But I know that I have the power to change it and to get back on track.  Who knows, maybe I needed the break to readjust my mind-frame and to get back on track.

But even more important than that to me is my husband and our life together.  When we have our kids at home with us, we want to be active.  We want to go camping, hiking, biking... and while I can do it now, it will be easier 26ish pounds lighter.


So there you have it.  Motivation?  I haz it.

Motivation? I haz none.

Has anyone seen my motivation?  I seem to have lost it somewhere.  Perhaps I left it in Boston.

Ever since Spring break, it has been increasingly difficult to stick to my diet and exercise routine.  Maybe it's because Tim and I are 95% sure we're not going to try again, maybe it's because it's just hard or because I like eating.

I know I need to get this under control.  I know that some of my motivation was if we were to try again.  But I'm a good enough reason to do it, right?  I mean, I know I am, but there's some sort of disconnect between me saying I'm good enough and believing I'm good enough.

I keep saying "next week will be better", but will it?  Will I have the motivation to make it better?

New Recipe!

Today I exercised AND cooked a healthy dinner.  I'm quite proud of myself.  I wanted to share the recipe.  It was relatively easy and pretty tasty.  It's on my South Beach Diet iPhone app so unfortunately I can't link it.  But I can type it out for you all!

Protobello Burgers (Phase 1)
Prep time 20 mins.  Cook time 25 mins.  Serves 6.

Description:
Meaty mushrooms- combined with protein-packed textured vegetable protein (TVP), provolone cheese and sun dried tomatoes- make these vegetarian burgers super flavorful.  TVP is a favorite vegetarian source of non-animal protein and can be found at health food stores.  If you have extra time, form the burgers ahead of time and refrigerate for 30 minutes for easier handling.

Ingredients
1 cup textured vegetable protein (TVP) - I found it in bulk at Henry's
4 ounces provolone cheese, shredded (1 cup)
1 large egg, lightly beaten
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 medium protobello mushrooms, stemmed and chopped
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 small zucchini, coarsely grated (I chopped it and it was fine)
1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes (packed in oil), drained and chopped

Instructions
Combine TVP, cheese, egg, salt and pepper in a mixing bowl; stir to mix well.

Heat 2T of oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.  Add garlic and saute, stirring often, until fragrant, about 30 seconds.  Add mushrooms, onion, and zucchini; saute, stiring often, until vegetables are softened and liquid is evaporated, about 8 minutes.  Stir in tomatoes.

Add vegetable mixture into 6- 3" patties.  Heat remaining oil in a clean skillet over medium heat.  Cook patties, turning once with a wide spatula, until lightly browned, 3 minutes per side.

Nutritional info per serving:
230 calories
16 grams of fat
11 grams of carbohydrates
14 grams of protein
4 grams of fiber
190 mg of sodium

Side note:  I typed the recipe the way it was written in the app.  I'm trying to let my grammatically correct OCD go.  So I leave you with a lot of semicolons, commas and run on sentences.  You could probably cut back on the oil if you're concerned about the fat content.  I did refrigerate the patties and they still fell apart.  That's okay, though, it still tasted the same.  Enjoy!

I know, I know...

It has been forever since my last post.  I'm sorry, I've been busy.  And on vacation.

Confession.  I blew my diet.  I suppose it could be worse, but I ate sweets, carbs and white flour ::gasp::.  And guess what?  It was good.  Like really, really good.  It was definitely worth it, but now, it's time to get back on the diet train and lose the remaining weight.

I think I needed the break (both diet and from work) to kind of recharge my batteries, to get refocused and back on track.

Also.  Even though I ate all of those incredibly bad for me yummies, I didn't gain any weight.  I didn't lose any either, but hey- not gaining is sometimes better than losing.  Especially after eating ice cream and pizza.

My goal for this next week is to exercise at least 3 days and be strict on my diet again.  Meaning, no more refined sugars, no breads and no flour.  It's okay, I won't miss it.

I promise I'll try to blog more and update my stats when they start changing again.

Another confession.

Today I broke my diet.


I cheated.


I hate a handful of chocolate covered pretzels and a piece of licorice.  Oh and a few reeces pieces.  Holy cow.  Well, yes.  That's what I feel like.  A cow.  A weak, pms-ing (sorry if that's TMI), cow.  


Logically, I know I'm not.  I know I'm still 24lbs down and set-backs are normal.  And one day with cheating isn't terrible and it won't be the end of the world.

But.

I feel horrible. 


I'm going to go take a bath and pour myself to bed.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

One More Pound...

One more pound until I hit 25lbs.  Holy smokes.

I met with Dr. W today as sort of my 3 month check in.  I have lost 15lbs on her scale (I've lost 24 since my highest).  I've lost inches and all in all I feel great.

I decided to stop taking the shots for a few weeks to see how I do on my own.  I have 26 more pounds to go and hope to do that in about 6 months. 

I'll be eating about 1,400 calories a day, working out 4 times a week and walking the pups.  I should continue to lose 1-1.5lbs a week.  I just need to stay motivated and I know I can do it.  But I'll admit.  I'm having a difficult time staying motivated. 

How do you all stay motivated when you're hitting an exercise and/or diet rut?

::waves to readers::

Hi all!  Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything.  Tim and I went on vacation with 2 awesome couples then picked up our puppy.  So.  We've been busy.

That little weight loss ticker over there ::points to the right:: is still moving, so I'm happy with that.  It's slow.  But it's moving.  And that's all that matters. 

And I do have a confession.

I haven't been exercising as much as I should be.  Since coming home from vacation, I've been working and chasing a puppy around.  It's hard to do things, like exercise and cook, with needing to keep an eye on the puppy.  And I feel so guilty when I'm gone all day and not give the dogs all of my attention.  But.  I'll get back into the routine.  Like today.  Today I'll exercise.

I've been asked a lot about what I do for exercise.  Since I despise the gym, I've been doing The Biggest Loser Challenge on Wii, TBL Last Chance Workout and walking.  I have TBL Challenge set for 4 days a week for 40 minute workouts on challenging.  I do the Last Chance Workout on days I don't feel like doing the other and just want to get a workout over with and done.

Another confession.  Even though I have it set for 4 days a week.  I haven't stuck with the program.  But my newest goal is to lose the next 7.5lbs in 3 weeks before I go to Boston.  I know I can do it.  I'll just have to stick with my workouts. 

The ABC's of Me

To keep things fresh, I stole this from 2 beautiful, wonderful women.  Anywho, here ya go!

(A) Age: 27

(B) Bed Size: Queen

(C) Chore You Hate: Laundry.  I'm good at washing it... but fail at every other aspect.

(D) Dogs?  Henry Tracker, the adorable and lovable basset.  AND.  Skeeter, a German shorthaired pointer!  The newest member of the Lawler clan.  We get him after our trip to SF. 

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: My phone.  It helps ease me into waking up.

(F) Favorite Color:  All the colors of the rainbow, are so beautiful to see.  All the colors of the rainbow are smiling back at me.  There's red, orange, yellow... green, blue, purple.  Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple.  (Song brought to you by some toy my mom has for my niece and nephews)

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver. Or white gold.

(H) Height: 5'6 3/4" 

(I) Instruments You Play:  I used to play saxophone.  A little flute and piano.  Oh, there was an oboe phase, too.  That was fun.

(J) Job Title:  Speech Language Pathologist

(K) Kids:  I've had 2 born prematurely and passed away shortly after birth.

(L) Live: So Cal

(M) Mom's Name: Sarah

(N) Nicknames: Sus

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Yep.

(P) Pet Peeve: Loud eaters, finger lickers and mouth breathers.

(Q) Quote from a Movie: "You can tell she's a good dancer by the way she drinks her soda pop."  The Proposal

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: 1 brother.  3 sisters-in-law and 2 brothers-in-law.

(T) Time You Wake Up? For work: 5:30 or 5:45. 

(U) Underwear: Gapbody, baby!

(V) Vegetable You Dislike:  Hmm... this is tough.  I can't think of one!

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Not wanting to get out of bed.  But really, I hate being late. 

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: My hand and my foot.  My finger was slammed in a sliding van door when I was in elementary school the night of a band concert.  Yeah that was fun.  And one night when I was slightly inebriated I was running outside and my flip flop got caught on the curb making the pad of my foot hit the curb.  That was fun, too.  That still hurts if I wear the wrong shoes.

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: I lurve the stuffed mushrooms and pesto chicken.  The crab enchiladas are pretty tasty, too.

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: The elephants (or ephelants as I like to call them).

So, do you like it?

The new layout that is. 

I think as I take new body pictures, I'll have the progression instead of the ones I have now.

I had a good weekend.  I went to Anthropologie and tried on this dress.  In a 12.  And if I didn't have to take deep breaths or sit, it would have been just fine.   So I ordered the 14.  It should be here soon.  If I need to get it taken in later, I will.  But a 12?  That's insane.

I have a feeling the next couple of weeks may be slightly difficult.  We're going on vacation to San Francisco.  But.  I know the foods I can and shouldn't eat.  And I'll be with some of the most supportive people ever.  And I'm sure Ghiradelli will have some dark chocolate for me to munch on.

I also hope to hit a new weight milestone soon.  20 lbs.  ::fingers crossed::

18.6 lbs.

Whoa. 

18.6 lbs since my highest weight.  Which is slightly cheating considering it was like 2 days after Matthew was born.  But I really don't care. 

Ladies and gentlemen.  That is 18.6 lbs.  Only 1.4 away from 20.

I started the shots today.  So far the only side effect is that my arm hurts.

Today while Dr. W was giving me the shot she asked about cravings.  I said "chocolate and coffee."  I can have both now.  Hooray!!!!  Decaf coffee, of course, and organic 80-95% dark chocolate.  I'm so happy.  So happy.

I think this calls for a stop at Starbucks tomorrow for a decaf with soy.  Yay!

A Confession.

I'm reaching the point where dieting and exercising is hard.  I want to throw it all away, eat the cookies, drink the coffee and eat french toast while I sit on my ass and watch trash T.V.

 The first month, it was easy.  Meal planning, exercising, being prepared.  It was easy because I was motivated.  I'm still motivated and I'm still prepared.  I'm not getting in a rut with my diet and I don't crave the foods (sweets mainly) that I did before. 

For the last week or so, I have been so much more in-tune with how much work this is.  Every day it's a conscious decision to make the right food choices and to exercise.  It would be so easy to just put on my (now much looser) comfy pants, put my feet up and go back to the way things were.

But I didn't like how they were.  Looking back, I didn't like that me as much.  This newer me is so much better.  I'm stronger and heather, both physically and emotionally, than I have been in quite awhile. 

And saying that tastes better than any cookie.

Next Steps

I had my 3rd visit with Dr. W yesterday.  She is very happy with my weight loss and my overall feeling amazingness.  I can start adding things back into my diet!  Hooray!  I have to add things back in slowly and carefully.  I have to add one thing at a time, eat it for a few days, keep a journal of how I'm feeling then if everything is okay, I get to add the next food.  The foods I get to start are milk, cheese, corn, wheat and gluten.  I think there may be something else, but I can't remember right now.

She also recommended me starting on some injections that I don't remember off the top of my head and I don't want to get up and look right now.  They're all natural enzymes that help cleanse my liver and boost my metabolism.  She said the B12 in it will help me feel amazing.  Well.  Actually, she said "warm and fuzzy".  And don't worry everyone, I'm going to research the injections a little bit more before I make the decision whether to do them or not. 

Dr. W mentioned that with the injections, working out 5 days a week and my diet that I could be down to my goal weight in 3 months.  The slow weight loss is healthy and steady.  And.  Holy crap.  I could be down to my goal weight in 3 months.  ::wipes brow:: That's exciting. 

One Month Update

One month ago, I said goodbye to bread, grains, refined sugar, caffeine... and I said hello a shrinking body and a healthier me.  My measurements one month ago versus now.  Granted, it's not a ton, but it's definitely noticeable:

Then:
Neck: 14 1/2   14 1/4
Bust: 45           43
Chest: 38         36
Bicep: 12 1/2   12
Waist: 37          35
Thigh: 26 1/2   25
Hips: 50           48 1/2

Grand total of  9 3/4 inches.  I'll take it!  And.  I weighed myself today.  And I don't think I've been this low, even pregnant, in awhile.

And you know what?

It feels amazing.

I feel amazing.

I feel like me.

So from here:  I go back to Dr. W on Tuesday to get the next step of the game plan.  As long as I can have decaf coffee and cheese again, I'll be game for whatever.

And now?  It's bedtime!

2 more pounds down!!

Hooray!!  I've been incredibly busy with work and well, life.  But I'm still managing to watch my diet and exercise.  Although I could do more of that...

The 2lbs lost this week bring my total down to 16.2lbs total since after having Matthew.  And 11.2 since I started this weight loss journey.  You know... last month.  That's awesome.  And I need to focus on how far I've come instead of how far I have to go.

I feel as though I'm holding out on you, dear readers.  A lot of what I'm going through is so incredibly personal and while I do feel comfortable talking about my feelings, I don't really write about them in relation to my weight loss.  But I know the day will come when I talk about my losses here a little more.  And like I've said before, feel free to ask me any questions about my losses, weight loss, diet, whatever.

And as always.  Thank you for the support.  You all are wonderful.

The cleanse.

All in all the cleanse is going really well.  The side effects I've had (mainly exhaustion) have been minimal so I can't complain about those.  Well, the first day I thought I smelled and I was sure I'd stink for the duration of the cleanse.  Luckily, the thought of smelling has subsided.

The one complaint I have is that I miss cheese.  Many of the recipes I have relied on during SB have cheese.  Stuffed mushrooms, pesto chicken, even a little feta in my salads.  I really, really, really miss cheese.

But only another week and I'll hopefully be able to have it back.

I'll update my weight on Tuesday and maybe my measurements, too.  All in all things are going well.  I'm still eating well and exercising about 4-5 times a week.   One of these days I'll update the blog to make things easier to find/follow.

Oh!  I also wanted to see if any of you readers had any questions for me about SB, the exercises that I do, Dr. W, the babies, whatever.  Just ask your question in a comment and I'll answer it!

Another 3lbs down...

Ladies and Gentlemen!  That's 9.8lbs in 2 weeks.  Isn't that amazing?  I am so proud of myself.  And that feels amazing.

I met with Dr. W today.  She is equally as impressed with my weightloss.  I told her I feel so much better physically and emotionally that it's just... unreal.

The plan from here to my next appointment (Feb. 1st) is to continue SB.  This week, she said, I can be flexible with the diet.  But starting Tuesday, after I get home from WA, I start the cleanse.  This cleanse is to rid my body of toxins and to get it in better shape for maximum weight loss.

When asked about side effects, Dr. W said I could be/have:

• Bloating
• Muscle/joint pain
• Gas
• Headaches
• Moodiness
• Exhaustion

So.  I should be a joy to be around.

I also need to restrict my diet more.  Practically, it's cutting out dairy and soy.  I can do that for 2 weeks.  Good thing I like almond milk!  Typically, people on this cleanse are supposed to avoid foods that could be allergens.  But since I'm on such a restricted diet anyway (although it doesn't feel like it at all) I'm allowed to have eggs.

Over the next few days (week maybe) I'll be revamping the blog and adding tabs with recipes, my workouts and such.

And now.  I'm going to finish watching The Biggest Loser, snuggle in my blanket and bask in awesomeness that is being 9.8lbs lighter.

Changes.

I need little changes in my life.  Like getting bangs... and changing the blog.  Both are for the better, rather, will be when I'm done. 

I'll also write more tomorrow about my 2nd appt with Dr. W and my 2nd weigh in.  But tonight, let me share with you this lovely blog.  The Purest Gift is a blog about kindness, selflessness and giving back.  Take a look. 

Share it. 

Follow it. 

Contribute to it. 

Love it.

March for Babies

Every year, the March of Dimes has a fundraiser event called the March for Babies.  For obvious reasons, this event has become very close to my heart.  This year, I'm aiming high.  $1,000.  I think I can do it.  I know it's a lot of money but literally every penny helps.  Every penny has the potential to help the MoD meet their goal to have every baby born healthy.

Please send me a message (by commenting) if you're interested in walking with me or matching my donation.

Together, we can do this.  We can donate a little money and walk 6 miles to help the research and development to make every pregnancy and every baby healthy.

6.8 lbs!

YAY!

6.8 pounds.  In a week!

I'm honestly amazed how my body is reacting to eating foods that are easy for it to digest and process.  I'm also amazed by how good I feel. 

It's not super hard either.  Which is a shock!  Already being prepared has helped a ton.  Especially yesterday, my first day back to work, when an iPhone glitch made my alarm not go off.  I woke up an hour after it was supposed to go off.  You know... the time I usually leave.  Luckily, I had breakfast, lunch and snacks all ready to go.  I just popped the egg cup things in the microwave then rushed out the door.

People at work have even made comments which never hurts.  I think the biggest change is just how good I feel and how I carry myself.

All in all the first week has been successful.  I go back to Dr. W next week and I'm looking forward to seeing what else she has in store for me.

I have received Facebook message and comments on here (some that were asked to not be published) and it just means a lot to me to know that I have people supporting me.  Thank you all, so very much, for your support.

::superbigsquishyhugs::

Back to work!

The last 2 weeks have been wonderful.  Between the sleeping in, watching movies, exercising, shopping and naps, I somehow didn't have time to accomplish the laundry pile.  Oh well.  That's what last minute loads of laundry are all about, right?

Anyway.  The last week has gone really well diet wise.  The only meal I made out of the millions I posted was the Taco Bake.  It was pretty good, a little dry, but there was plenty for at least 6 servings.  The roasted chickpeas were okay.  I think I baked them a little too long.  Oh.  And at our local Henry's they have dried wasabi peas.  They are amazing.

In prepping for going back to work I made these for a snack.  That were so good I ate almost all of them already.  I also just took these out of the oven for breakfasts throughout the week: Egg Cups  I got a bag of broccoli (that you steam in the bag), cut up the broccoli pieces, added green onion and the eggs.  I used 6 whole eggs and 6 egg whites.  And even though I love love love cheese, I left it out.  I'll get to why later.

For dinners this week when Tim is home I'm making:
Stuffed Portabello Mushrooms
Spaghetti Squash Pizza Bake
Pesto Chicken with Asparagus

For lunches and when Tim's not home, I'll be having salads and leftovers. 

And to the reason I'm cutting down on the dairy.  I wrote earlier about Dr. W ordering a slew of blood work (at least I think I did).  I got some of the results back.  Results that show I am insulin resistant and have high (like scary high) cholesterol.

The high cholesterol could be due to the PCOS, but I think it's a combination of that, not really watching what I eat and being sedentary.  And since I'm already making the changes (diet and exercise wise) I'm hoping that's all that I'll really need.  I meet with Dr. W next Tuesday and I'm sure we'll discuss all of the test results and the plan from there.

I'll check back in with Tuesday and will (hopefully) have a weight loss update then!

Oh.  And Happy New Year!